And say to Archippus, Take heed to the ministry which thou hast received in the Lord, that thou fulfil it. Colossians 4:17.
A young Christian sister was once in a relationship with a young pastor for marriage, and both of them decided to visit the pastor of the bride to be to make known their good intentions, and to seek for the blessings and supports of the pastor. But after three to four months, the bride to be told his fiancée that her pastor warned her against marrying the husband to be because when he was asked why or if he do love the bride to be, his reason was based on the spiritual supports and fitness he can received from her for his ministry, every reason was based on the ministry and he wonder if he really loves her because She sees the wife to be as a good ministerial material which was very strange to the pastor. Apostle Paul, while showing expression and gratitude for the success and effective of his ministry, made mentioned of certain women who made it possible to facilitate the effectiveness of his calling (I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord. And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellow laborers, whose names are in the book of life. Philippians 4:2-3): also, he further sent for Mark to come and live with him for support, because he is profitable (yielding profit, gain, or benefit) to him for the ministry. 2 Timothy 4:11.
A Christian lady once told her husband that if she knew that God is going to call him into the ministry, she wouldn’t have accepted to be with him, but now that he was called, she is not going to follow him serve God as a pastor’s wife because she can’t handle the stress, bear burdens and responsibilities of a pastor’s wife- she is not willing and not ready for it, not for the honour or prestige or sacrifices it demands; instead of destroying the ministerial call of her husband by any unruly and unbroken behaviors (even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.1 Timothy 3:11) that can drive people away from the church by her a narcissist covert character of excessive interest in or self admiration who thinks and behaves as if everything is about her and the world revolves around her: so she quit the marriage, just as Demas forsaken apostle Paul in the middle of his ministerial life and work to enjoy the love and pleasure of the present world – do thy diligence to come shortly unto me: for Demas hath forsaken me, having loved this present world, and is departed unto Thessalonica.. 2 Timothy 4:10.
Not every Christian woman is a ministry material, and if a minister, by any mistake of an outward appearance of influence by beauty, money, eloquence or any wrong impulse or incitement get married to a woman who is not called by God to help him in the ministry, she might be a thorn in his side to cause damages and to bring reproach to the church, an odious and offensive, disgusting and odious pastor’s wife whom the earth cannot bear when she is married. Proverbs 30:21-23.
By the way, church ministry start from the family, and if a man cannot rule over his own house, he is automatically disqualified from the position and authority of a pastor or deacon, not to be trusted to hold any meaningful leadership position in the church. If a husband failed at home in the exercises of his conjugal authority as the head over his home in the ways and word of God, such should not be recommended for any responsible position of leadership role or authority in the church. 1 Timothy 3:4-5.
Certainly, the warning of the pastor to her spiritual daughter not to get married to her husband to be might be the fear that she is not spiritually ready or mature in terms of behaviour or character to occupy such position of leadership role beside her husband to be in the church: nonetheless, the bride to be was so convinced of what she claimed she heard from God, that there are virtues with every other things needed deposited in her for her husband to be to succeed at home and in their ministry excluding peace, insecurity, unfounded accusations, unending arguments until the man keep his mouth shut, constant disrespectful to her mother at home, shouting on her children etc), so she ignored the word of her pastor.
In the events of time, these two lovers (the pastor and his wife to be) who are about to wed are invited to pray for a lady celebrating her birthday, three weeks prior to the date. Both have talked over about what they will do, and the pastor suggested that if the sister will found it difficult to go, it is okay, he will go alone and come back home on time, but she insist to go with him. Instead of 20 pm as scheduled for the prayer, the celebrant arrives at 10 pm: but in between the 1O pm is the daily family prayer by 9pm which both of them have to participate.
She was asked from the other side by the caller – a family member, on how her day was, she flare – up in a foolish wrath to respond on phone to everyone’s surprises while the pastor take his time to explain and made excuse for the impatient of his wife for the manner she answered because they have been waiting in the car for almost an hour for an event to which ought to have taken place before the family night prayer. Afterwards, she angrily removed herself herself from the family prayer group without any warning or excuse or bye to anyone – a man great wrath shall suffer punishment, for you deliver him, you must so repeatedly. Proverbs 19:19.
Shortly after their family prayer, the celebrant arrives and the pastor went alone into the hall to pray for her while other people are asking about his wife who ought to be by side, but was angry and refused to come out of the car, because the host was late to come as planned. The husband to be, the pastor, patiently take his time to explain and edify, in order to minister and to comfort her through the scriptures from 2 Corinthians chapter 6, verses 3 – 8; giving no offence in anything, that the ministry be not blamed: but in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses,In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labors, in watchings, in fastings: by pureness, by knowledge, by long suffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, by the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armor of righteousness on the right hand and on the left; by honor and dishonor, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; but they fell on her deaf ears because she’s angry – a fools wrath is presently known, but a prudent man covers shame. Proverbs 12:16.
On their way back home, she didn’t bother to ask her future husband if the prayer for the celebrant was good, neither did she utter any word to him until the next morning, but she turned her back to the man to show her dissatisfaction and disapproval of everything that has happened.
You have disgraced me before your family by your response that I was not enough patients. She alleged. I was just trying to explain the situation we found ourselves outside in the car for the prayer. He replied. Please, I want you to understand that just as I’ve always been respectful to you so I ask for some respect before others. By the grace of God, I bring myself down in humility to your level to love and to be with you as husband and ministry partner: if this is the way things are going to be in the future, that when you are angry or disapproved of something, we are not going to talk to one another or ignore each other, and go to bed in strife, malice and grudges in the heart, turning the back against one another until the sun goes down over the anger, I deserve better treatment than this from you: we better think twice before we enter into the marriage because things should not continue like this while in the marriage, such conduct is dangerous for our reputation in the ministry. The pastor paused. Oh, you think or want to say that I am not good enough for you, you can go and look for a spiritually mature wife of your level and leave me alone. She roughly responds: the virtuous woman opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. but a fool’s mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. Prov.31:26: Proverbs 18:7. Okay if you say so, let it be so, and so they both put an abrupt end to their almost one year in relationships, lest than six months to celebrate their marriage at the church.
I will quote from a father in the Lord with lots of many years of spiritual experiences, he says, it is better to be alone, than to be badly accompanied.
From my perspective and discernment, I think the young woman is having the problem of narcissistic personality disorder. When you resist the narcissist covert, they gaslight you (twisting or retelling events to shift blame to you); this technique has been used, not once, twice nor thrice for an endless arguments and to distract from the main discussion or subject matter to dominate over conversation and to confuse you, doubting your reasoning, if you are not sound minded or discerning. This is one of the weapons or supply of a narcissistic covert people, never to take responsibility for anything, but always blame someone else while they play the victim as usual.
God resist the proud. Her pastor was right to advise her not to marry her husband to be (the pastor) because he will not mind to sacrifice his ego and the ego of others and to suffer the loss of everything to fulfill the ministry he had received from the Lord.
For a narcissist believer, everything should turn around them, otherwise, there will be false accusations, divisions and strife (1 Corinthians 11:19) while narrating their story to satisfy their self grandeur: but the church is more than an individual’s grandiose, if any man thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceived himself. Galatians 6:3.
Christian character matters a lot (2 Timothy 3:1-5): we all work for a change daily with God into the image of Christ through godly and biblical correction and counseling when mistake is made, and should be received with humility with excuse for our flaw. This is the only way to move forward in the Lord: but if you rebuke a scorner, he will hate you: rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Proverbs 9:8.
God alone should be exalted and highly lifted up among his people anywhere and anytime. It is not about the pastor, not about any brother or any sister; it is all about Christ who has once left the comfort and glory of heaven to the earth to become the Son of man who has nowhere to lay his head in order to fulfill his ministry to seek and save us the lost.
This is the love and humility of our Lord to put on our nature of flesh and blood to bear our sins and be made as sin unto us for the ministry of reconciliation which God wrought through Christ to bring us back to himself.
As a royal priesthood, every believer in Christ Jesus is a minister of the gospel, not of the letter, but of the spirit, but in different capacity, measure and authority according to the measure of faith (b) and of Christ that fills all in all (c) and the position of relationship with God, lest prideful, contentious, comparing and competing evil heart like that of Dathan and his company bring curse and anger of God upon any who will bring disorderliness into the body of Christ in opposition against the work of the ministry.
We are all brethren – male or female, bond or free, but each one of us must know his or her position of rank in the kingdom for the accomplishments of individual’s assignments or ministry in the Lord. Note: the dimension of operation and authority, and the measure of line or space given to the carriers and occupiers of the anointing mantles of the five fold ministry is not of the same level of dimension of operation and authority of ministering through spiritual and administrative gifts in the church.
Recently, I was going through the YouTube different churches contents, I stumbled across the video of a spiritually confused sister who, because of the ability in her to prophesy, claimed that God (which God) speak to her that no one should call her a prophetess, but a prophet. Is this not madness of self greatness? For there is nothing of such in the word of God! This is one of the manifestations of Jezebel spirit to make herself equal with men in the church, but when you speak up like this, some believers will call you a misogynistic person who is against women’s right.
An apostle’s wife, prophet or a pastor’s wife is not called to become an apostle or prophet or a pastor as equal ministerial office like her husband. She should not because she is not by any right or authority of the scripture to be called an apostle or pastor, but a sister or a wife of the servant of God – have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? 1 Corinthians 9:5. First, her ministry is primarily to keep house, and love her husband and raise the children. Secondly, her ministry is that of an intercessor and to administer other spiritual gifts under the supervisor of the leaders of the church, and if she want to know anything, she should ask her husband at home, for he is the priest of the family.
Whatever our ministry and gift, small or great ministry, one or two gifts, we must make sure to make a good and profitable use of it for the Lord till the end. We must walk worthy and count ourselves worthy of the calling of God, being a faithful and diligent minister of the manifold grace of God, by showing that his pleasure is our priority and not otherwise. Christ example shows us that nothing and no one –close friends, father, mother, wife, children, personal interest or pursuits or whatsoever should not be allowed to hinder us against the fulfillment of whatever ministry we received from the Lord.
The end game of Christ earthly ministry was the death on the cross. He prays, Father saved me from this hour, but for this hour I came into this world. Therefore Father, glorify thy Son. Thus he humbled himself to obedient, even unto the death on the cross. Personal pain, fear, forgiveness and restoration after past failure like Peter who once denied his Lord should not defer us from moving forward to see to it, that we fulfill the ministry we received from the Lord. Whoso ever overcomes and keep my works (ministry) to the end, shall inherit all things.
Ministry was everything for Christ while he was on earth, for he says, I came down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me, and to finish his work. John 6:37-40. For the ministry, the Lord will slip away or intentionally stay back from the company of his parents and family members at the age of twelve to go about his Father’s business, teaching and answering questions in the temple. Luke 2:49. Food is not the priority for Christ, but the ministry, for he says to his disciples by the well of Jacob, while he was ministering to the Samaritan woman for her deliverance and salvation, that his meat and drink is to do the work (ministry) of him that sent him while it day, for the night comes, when no man can work again. John 4:34.
We see the conscious readiness with determination in the heart of Moses, with the risk taken to make sure he fulfils his calling and ministry received from God: though he hoped that his brethren, the sons of Israel, would have understood that God would give them deliverance by his hand, and they did not understand. Acts 7:25.
This conscious readiness and willingness is good, but it was against divine timely which exposed his impatient and present him as a murderer, which eventually led to the great choice of faith to sacrifice and abandon his Egyptian identity with other privileges at the palace, their riches and pleasure of sin, with other advantages, forcing himself into forty years of self exiled to wait and seek the face of God for his calling or ministry, that he might fulfill the ministry which he knows he has received of him: by faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompense of the reward. Hebrews 11:24-26.
Moses knows he has a ministry, but he precipitate to start it by the strength of his furious damaging anger to avenge an Israeli from the oppression of an Egyptian. This is not the manner to see to it that you fulfill the ministry you received of the Lord – the servant of the Lord must not strive, but be gentle unto all men.
The nature of the fulfillments of your ministerial stewardship or ministry should be done in faithfulness, serving the Lord with all humility, honesty, by renouncing hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by the manifestations of the truth, commending ourselves to everyman conscience in the sight of God. Be ready, if the will of God be so, that you die or lay down your life unto death if that should be death to glorify God and to fulfill your calling to the end – he that keeps my work to the end, shall inherit all things and shall not be hurt by the second death.
Paul and Silas were called together and sent out for the ministry work they were called for, but the reward of each of them will be in proportional to the energy and labor poured into the work. In your calling, though you might be called alone like Moses, but God will send faithful men or man like Aaron and women or woman like Miriam to help you, but the responsibility and accountability is on you, good or bad, failed or successful.
Samson could have finished well in his ministry, if he has not allowed lusts and sex with Delilah to ruin and cut short his life and destiny, though he sensed the betrayal after many red flags, yet was blinded to sound reasoning by the cord of his sin. You cannot allow or bring the negative influence or imposition of anyone in your life to ruin the work and ministry of God in your life, but to see to it that you fulfill the ministry which you receive of the Lord as it should be. Who shall lay any charge against the elect of God? it is God that justified. When Moses married to an Ethiopian woman to be by his side for whatever reason in his ministry, Aaron and Miriam tried to bring a negative influence of blood related closeness and seniority to question his authority to marry the woman, but the Lord was angry and would have destroyed both of them except that Moses intercede for them before the Lord.
Marital love and affection should never be allowed to influence the ministry in any negative way – warn the unruly. The error of Prophet Eli’s ministerial fault was that he mixed up the blood related feelings with his divine calling, by allowing his children to live in wantonness and immorality in the temple before God without any disciplinary action, so he destroyed his own life, his children lives and destroyed any future chance of his generation into the priesthood ministry of God.